Outside Myself

by Maria Brosgol

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about

Debut EP album
All songs written by Maria Brosgol

credits

released 01 February 2013

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MARIA BROSGOL: Guitar, ukulele, vocals
LOU PAPPAS: Double bass
WILLIAM HEALY: Piano
CHRISTOPHER CONNORS: Drums
MACKENZIE COOK: Electric bass

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All tracks (except "The Narrow Line"):

Recorded, mixed, and produced by Mackenzie Cook
Vocals on "Favorite Folly" recorded by Eddie Hotaling at Blue Sky Recording
Mastered by Mark Dann at Mark Dann Recording

Audio equipment provided by Terry Champlin

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"The Narrow Line"

Recorded, Mixed, and Mastered by Polina Beletskaya at Gnessin Music Academy in Moscow, Russia.

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Album Artwork by Vincent Smith
Photography by Lyudmila Kapustina

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SPECIAL THANKS to Terry Champlin, without whom this album would not be possible. Thanks also to Mackenzie Cook for his incredible patience, hard work, and creative input; and to Lou Pappas, Will Healy, and Chris Connors for their artistic contributions. And, of course, thanks to all of my friends for their love and support--and to my mom, for everything.

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about

Maria Brosgol London, UK

Maria Brosgol is a songwriter, arranger and vocalist from upstate New York, currently residing in London. Drawing from various influences ranging from modern pop to jazz to Russian folk music, she writes music primarily for guitar and ukulele, interweaving rich, complex harmonies with her clear soprano voice. This is her first EP album; she is currently working on a second. ... more

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Track Name: Mother Mary
Mother Mary, help me sleep
dream the dreams that call from the deep
'though my darling demons reach
and i lay awide awake
and they take all the good that's come to me
and they take all the good that's come from me

Silent rocks the sleepy bough
creature kisses on my brow
no tomorrow here or now
quiet nights and restless sighs
and a million milky marble eyes
and a million marble idol eyes

Who will help me, I am fright
never-ending is the night
can't equate the hate for life
so it burns but only as far as
can go on display like radiant stars
and they're all in array like radiant stars

Mother Mary, I am tired
and I'm going out of my mind
help me see the reason why
Make it right, don't let me go
and i never will leave my only home
Make it right, I'll make the most
to be finally free of what was lost
Make it right, don't let me go
And I'll never believe I am alone.
Track Name: Favorite Folly
Riding to Folly Isle/I'll
be driving down to Carolina
South, you see,
I'm gonna make my way to
Folly, oh, follow me
We'll take the long road down to sea-
side, by the quay
Sun-drunken all the day and
We can sleep for hours
Beneath the creeping flow'rs
Where Spanish moss and vine
like fingers intertwine
At last my heart's at ease
My sorrows out of reach
Far fronds of palmy trees
My favorite Folly--

Beach-combing by the bay
Sweet sand and surf that make you
Shine a symphony
Oh, how I'd love to sway in
hammock, in harmony
Eat grits and hominy
and oyster, roasted, fried--
It's like I went and died and
Woke up in heaven's arms
Balmy weather warms
and melts my heart into
the Carolina blue-
est skies you'll ever know
and will forever more
I never wanna go
Away from Folly Shore.

(cadenza)

My heart is overflown
I'll never be alone
As long as I can go
Back to my Folly home.
Track Name: Never a Friend
Last night, you did it again
The blanket and bed
You were never a friend.
I tried, to make it away
But i couldn't say
Why it was too late.
For all the times that you said it was done
I held up my head
I gave you my arm
For all the thoughts have flown and i haven't yet
You were never a friend
Never a friend
Never a friend

(bah-bah-ah-ah)

Wide-eyed, terrible shout
Gotta get out, throw it all out
Tired, I'd get taken to mend
Again and again
You were never a friend.
The fire was burning but i held right on
Lost all the nerve, the feeling was gone.
And all that's left of me's a mark to amend
You were never a friend,
Never a friend (3x)

(bah-bah-ah-ah)

It's crazy, can't go on.
To consider what went wrong
In that head of yours, or was it mine?
Is my fault? (3x)
Or is it yours?

Here I am in my head
All over again, all over again
Can't untie the ribbon of doubt
Cannot get out--
Here you come now.

(bah-bah-ah-ah)
Track Name: Outside Myself
I need a quick fix to my problem--
Oh, my head feels heavy
And my limbs are weak and weary
And my eyes are sore.
Please find me an aspirin, and a compress--
Oh, be quick about it
And just let me revel in my ditch
I've dug before

I want to crawl on my bed,
Make like I'm dead
Take off my head
Heavy like lead
And air it out.
And won't it be nice
To find a device
to take out my eyes
Slip from my size
And live outside myself for once.

Oh, it's unfair that this ole body
Won't do what i ask it to
I say "get up," it says "Hell no,
I'll stay behind."
I try to make it do my bidding
but somehow I always lose
this endless tug-of-war
Between my form and mind

Don't wanna deal with the pain
Feel it again,
always the same
Pound in my brain
I want it out.
And drape on my chair,
All of my hair
Lay my skin bare
Leave it right there
And live outside myself for once.

(Instrumental)

And when I'm finally free,
Blind, but I see
Deaf, but on key
All melody
I let it out.
Can't drag me back to
All I've been through
If only you knew
what i had to do
So i could be myself for once.

(La-la-la)
Track Name: Settle Down
I don't believe them
I feel bad, but I
Can't help laughing at the men in white coats
Giving me all reasons, I don't see
How they can understand
How could they know? (2x)
Know/no more than I?

They took it from me
I need it real bad,
the only one I can abide
You know what a thrill I get when i kill
The last thought that sticks in my side.

Makes me wanna (3x)
Settle down.
But I cannot, cannot get up
Please bury me underground.

Hold me together
And I'll keep you warm
In a liquor bath
Do you remember?
Sweet apple leaves on the bathroom mat
We'd freeze and listen
Oh, how they'd whisper, how'd they'd hum
They're quiet now.
Kiss me, my darling and I'll kiss you back
Soft as a silk evening gown
Make me feel easy like nobody sees me
For nobody did in this town.

Makes me wanna (3x)
Wonder why
Got me all twisted, and so masochistic
I can't help but live out a lie.
Track Name: Bonus Track: The Narrow Line
Is this the place where people go to make peace
and sweetly suffer for their sins?
No matter where i start, I'm on the rack and pulled apart
'TIl I don't know where i end, where I begin
You Don't know what it feels like
To not know anything
Maybe you do, you don't, you do, you don't
So this is why they say the road's a narrow line
Be careful or you'll fall right off the rim.

And one by one, all down a line
They seek to find an answer, a because
People look at me with eyes that burn and i can't breathe
And maybe we're all a little bit blinded by the laws
Do they even know what it feels like
To not know anything, or anyone, or anything, or anyone at all?
Maybe they do, they don't, they do, they don't
So don't look for me, 'cause I'm not here--why should I be?
I have no hands, you know i cannot swim.

Do you even know what it feels like
To not know anything or anyone at all?
And I can't seem to find a difference
Whether I do, or don't, or do, or don't.

Maybe you do, Maybe you don't...